Thursday, August 13, 2009

little life lessons...

Lesson #1 - Eating french fries and a handful of m&m's for dinner will make me feel like S#$&. (I like to blame this on Mario though... he wants to go to happy hour and instead of drinking, I eat french fries. Then, by the time we get home, I am too full to eat a proper dinner and the m&m's are SO convenient, thanks to the crazies that sent me home with a 900 lb. bag of them.)

Lesson #2 - Preggie Pops actually work!! After my super unhealthy dinner, I felt like total crap - had rising indigestion - and was completely nauseous. (Now, this could all be from just eating crap - but we'll call it the pregnancy, it's better that way, because Mario will get me things when I ask. ;) Anywho - all that aside - Mario kindly got me a preggie pop and it worked wonders. I was seriously concerned about what would happen to me once it was gone.

Lesson #3 - Eating is SO important. If I go more than 2 hours without eating, I become extremely hungry and start feeling nauseous. And this little bag of unsalted nuts that I brought with me today is not cuttign it - they actually make me want to vomit. They are so dry. I need a smoothie or something cold. Dry and flavorless sucks. Maybe this banana will do. (Is it weird that when I type the word banana, I have to sing the gewn stefani song to make sure I am spelling it correctly?)

Not really a Lesson #4 - I am glad that I was paying such "close attention" when I became pregnant. So what if it seems crazy or too early to be talking about it - I am pregnant and I am damn excited about it. It gives me that much more time to daydream about what it will be like to meet out sweet little person, to imagine what she (or he) will look like and what it will be like to see Mario holding her (or him).

My goal for this next week is to try an be more focussed on the now -today - this moment, rather than when I get to do this, and that, and what might happen later.

Wish me luck.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

not to complain or anything....

but today is the first day that I actually don't feel good. My tummy hurts, I am super sleepy, and even considered closing my eyes, just for a second, while I was walking down the hall of the hospital. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am feeling nauseous, but all I can think about is getting home and taking a nap. "But what about all those dishes?" you say... WHAT ABOUT THEM? I hope that Chica has them done before I get home. (Chica is our lovely dog.)

I have been thinking - and although it is my nature... I do not want this blog to be all about my various pregnancy complaints. Sometimes, I can't help it. My mouth opens and complaints come out without even running them by me first. Its a problem. So for those few who actually do read this, I promise to always write something positive and hopeful.

You will all be pleased to know that yesterday and even today - I have not thought or worried about having a miscarriage! (Okay, maybe for a few brief moments in the middle of the night when a stomach ache woke me up, but that totally does not count.)

I stopped by a friends house today and she had a gift for me, preggie pops. I have them on hand, you know, just in cases. (Thanks Libby!) But why, may I ask, does something that is supposed to be "natural and made from essencial oils", list corn syrup as the first ingredient?? Seriously, you can't get away from the stuff.

Thats all for now, I best be getting back to work...


P.S. For those of you who have subsribed, you are now getting my postings in an email... This is actually a blog posting, in case you were confused.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

status: currently LOVING being pregnant....

I met with a Dr. today - to see if I liked her. I don't think she liked me. She didn't laugh at any of my little jokes and could have cared less about my background stories to my questions. Those of you who know me well, know that I am a very sarcastic gal and I like people to laugh, or at least smile, at my jokes, funny or not. :) This Dr. seemed annoyed with what I had to ask and say.

FIRED. totally fired.

I am canceling my 9/3 appointment at the hokey "Harmony and Wellness Center" (which is NOTHING like Private Practice, which I had imagined it to be), and have booked another appointment with a friend's Dr.'s Office - with a Nurse/Midwife on September 1st. Yay.

Next topic: the heartbeat. When do I get to hear it?? I had imagined I would hear it at my first appointment at 8 weeks - but sadly, as I learned today, I HAVE TO WAIT! What the crap. I hope that I can make an extra appointment to hear it during my 12th week - I can't wait that long!

Oh my sweet little person. My body is making a person. Sometimes, I can't even fathom it. Sometimes it makes me want to cry. Sometimes it makes me crazy, sore, and a little sleepy. But mostly, it makes me purely happy and full of joyful anticipation.

Peace Out.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

fear takes over

All day, I am busy being pregnant. Dreaming of all kinds of magical things. For instance, today, while showering, I was thinking about how I should use natural deodorant - and imagined that one day, my daughter would be like, "thank you mom, you were so amazing, and now I don't have cancer". I seriously had that thought. Weird, I know. Is it even possible for my deodorant to give my child cancer?

I push my stomach out in the mirror to see how I will look when I start to show. I even caress it and nonchalantly pretend like it is totally normal. Just to see how is feels. Do other people do this?

The second I get into bed, the fear sets in. I jab myself in the boob. shit, not as sore as last night.. Immediately, I am on my blackberry, googling "if my breast tenderness goes away, is it a bad sign"? Oh google, you are such a tease. And it is almost as if I am looking for bad news. Really? This is beginnign to get out of hand. I should really stop sleeping with my blackberry.

I think I need to be banned from googling anything pregnancy related unless it feels really serious. Maybe I need a pregnancy trainer that I can text anytime - I can ask questions, like, "if I sneeze, will it put too much pressure on my abdomen and cause problems with my pregnancy?" And she can reply, "NO! Go to bed, everything is fine." She can be my pregnancy sanity.

I just squeezed my boob again to see if it was sore.

I have probably done it five times since I have been writing.

I did read one thing that reisnated with me... It was something like, "Enjoy this break in breast tenderness, because it will come back. Not everything is a warning sign. Just try to do everything you can to have a healthy pregnancy; eat right, get lots of rest, drink lots of water and take your prenatals, the rest is going to happen no matter what you do.

Well, I'm off to bed. Thanks for listening.

P.S. Our first Dr. appt is on September 3rd. Yay!

P.S.s. Girl Name: Isabella Sophia
Boy Name: Vincenzo James (Inspired by Vincenzio Bambino and Mini B.! Thanks : )

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

the baby book...

So I was standing around at Barnes and Noble with a stack of books, ranging from the "How To Book - For A New Dad" to the "Complete Organic Pregnancy", (all of which I should not be buying).

I was struggling to decide between the Mayo Clinic - here is everything that can go wrong during your pregnancy book - (yes, I did look up cramping and ectopic pregnancies) and the Baby Journal I have had my eyes on for YEARS!

at this point, I think I made the right choice...

It makes me smile.

I do not have an ectopic pregnancy. I do not have an ectopic pregnancy. I do not....

I realize this is my first post since the big announcement and I am filled with all sorts of excitement, nerves, questions, and FEARS!!

The fear that I have an ectopic pregnancy. I have cramping, light cramping at that. My new mantra is... "I do not have an ectopic pregnancy."

google is seriously freaking me out. (especially at 3am this morning)

It is so weird to actually BE pregnant. Weird and wonderful. I have been taking a few days to let it all sink in and it is so amazing to know that my body is currently making a human. A person is growing inside me. Blows my mind.

All of this fascinating stuff is happening and I can already feel it. And everything I feel, for some reason, makes me think something is wrong. Is it possible that I am just PREGNANT? I would hope that if a human was being made inside my body - I would feel something, right?

I think I am too in tune with my body. I feel too much going on. I bet if I had no symptoms, I would be terrified for a whole slew of other reasons.

Either way, I am taking hold of my sister-in law's advice and just "going with it".


Sunday, August 2, 2009

no words.