Monday, July 27, 2009

if this was last month...

If this was last month, I would have already taken 2 pregnancy tests and sworn to everyone I know, that I was surely pregnant. "they" say I could take one today, but I am holding out until I actually miss my period. Which would be Friday.

Now that I am writing this, I am considering going to get one. What is wrong with me!!!

Nope - not today at least. All the same symptoms as last month - so my hopes are not very high - but staying positive.

Happy Monday!


Friday, July 24, 2009

I am so ordering one of these... but of which letter?

2 things that suck...

1. PMS
2. Having PMS probably means I am not pregnant, again.


I just spent (wasted) some time on the trusty net - apparently tons of women experienced pms (aka bitchiness) prior to a positive pregnancy test.

Am feeling a little bit better.

2 things that rock...

1. I am having a good hair day.
...come on, I know there is another one...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

funny things...

a few things about tonight:

1. while lying on the bed watching Sponge Bob with Andrew and Patty - Patty points to the tiny piece of thong showing above my pants and says, "is that your hair tie pammy?" Hilarious.

2. when you ask a 2 year old to "please stop wiping your hands in your hair," it becomes the most hilarious thing to do, in the world. Blue icing is never a good idea. And after we laugh hysterically together, (just for fun), he stops short, takes a bite of his cake and says, "mmm cream". Maybe you had to be there, but it was beautiful.

3. all night long, patty follows me around telling me some dramatic story about something I cannot understand, but I listen intently and ask questions, because when I do, he smiles up and me and I just want to squeeze him.

4. sometimes, when I read to the boys, I feel like I am the most amazing storyteller in all the land. I use voices, get loud and sometimes scary. They must love reading books with me, I am that good. It is probably a lot like singing in the car, if someone else is around, it is just some boring old story.

5. when the boys asked for "just a little bite" of cake before they headed off to bed, I said yes. And I made them each one more delicious bite of cake. It was fabulous. Just one of the perks of being the babysitter I guess.

Still working at the baby making. I am trying not to be as crazy about it this go around. I have put on a few pre-pregnancy pounds, which I have been assured of by many close friends, is completely normal. I have only considered taking a pregnancy test, just to see (if my period was one of those fluke periods some women get when they are, in fact, pregnant), a few times. I have yet to buy one.

Happy weekend everybody. (I am talking to you my 4! followers)


p.s. I think I'm ready to share this blog now - so if any readers can think of people they know that may be interested in reading my nonsense, please feel free to send them the link :)

Friday, July 3, 2009

Better luck next month...

So I'm not pregnant.

Unless my period is just "spotting", I am sure it's not, and my cramps don't show up, I am sure they will.

Yes, like usual, even though all signs point to NO, I still hold on to an tiny, unrealistic glimmer of hope.

So what will I be doing tonight? Drinking wine, of course!! Delicious wine, red and expensive, (you know, the $15 kind ;). I have not had a drink in weeks, and it makes the whole "disappointment" thing much easier to take.

I'm not even truly disappointed... I think I was mostly anxious, waiting for something to come. It is the not knowing that drives me crazy.

In the end, I realize that waiting another month or so will not be so bad. She (or he) will be born closer to the summer when Mario can be home to help me; I will be closer to having health insurance, which does not start until September; and through all of this, I have realized that I need to stop rushing things. Life is so much more enjoyable when I am not putting pressure on things happening on a particular time line. I guess I just need to make the right choices to set things in motion and then just let it happen. I like to think that I will be able to do that, but also know that I might get a little anxious again next month. I am sure that is to be expected.

I'll be sure to take that last test tonight, you know, just in cases :)

Happy weekend everybody.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Early Riser...

6:00 AM woke up thinking about my test after a very vivid dream about getting a positive result.

6:15 AM still trying to go back to sleep...

6:45 AM I might as well get up and take the damn test, otherwise I will never get back to sleep.


7:00 AM I'll just get up and check it one more time. Still negative. No matter how wide I open my eyes, no matter how close I look. Still Negative.

The rest of the day: rationalizing as to why it is totally ok that I am most likely not pregnant, while still holding on to a tiny glimmer of hope that the tests are wrong.