Enough of all that. Wrong or not, I have always felt that I was truly meant to have a girl. I have never really doubted it. And knowing that the sex is already chosen and there is nothing I can say to change it... I still feel like I am going to have a girl. So I'm officially saying that I think I am having a girl.
Even just after typing that, I feel like I should mention something about how if I have a boy, I will be just as happy, which is completely true, of course I will be...
Why all this guilt? Why can't I want a girl? My husband always says the 'ol "I just want a healthy baby," which I get and of course agree with, but for some reason I feel guilty for not just saying that.
If I am having a boy, and he asks me if I was disappointed that he was a boy, seeing as I was so sure he was, in fact, a girl, I will tell him that thinking he was going to be a girl was the first of many things I would get wrong as a parent. Things that would end up being tiny little miracles.
We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time last week. It was quite anticlimactic. I had already cried, just imagining the moment, so many times that by the time it actually happened, all I could do was laugh, which muffled the sound of the heartbeat anyway. I won't say that it wasn't awesome to hear, but it was less dramatic, because I wasn't doubting that it was going to be there. (Even though it did take her a few minutes to find it and for just a second, I did wonder.) I had imagined holding my husbands had and looking at him and smiling as we listened, much like a scene from movie. I don't even think I looked at him once. The movies sure do make life look so much more dramatic.
Or maybe my life is less like a movie than I thought.