Better luck next month...

So I'm not pregnant.

Unless my period is just "spotting", I am sure it's not, and my cramps don't show up, I am sure they will.

Yes, like usual, even though all signs point to NO, I still hold on to an tiny, unrealistic glimmer of hope.

So what will I be doing tonight? Drinking wine, of course!! Delicious wine, red and expensive, (you know, the $15 kind ;). I have not had a drink in weeks, and it makes the whole "disappointment" thing much easier to take.

I'm not even truly disappointed... I think I was mostly anxious, waiting for something to come. It is the not knowing that drives me crazy.

In the end, I realize that waiting another month or so will not be so bad. She (or he) will be born closer to the summer when Mario can be home to help me; I will be closer to having health insurance, which does not start until September; and through all of this, I have realized that I need to stop rushing things. Life is so much more enjoyable when I am not putting pressure on things happening on a particular time line. I guess I just need to make the right choices to set things in motion and then just let it happen. I like to think that I will be able to do that, but also know that I might get a little anxious again next month. I am sure that is to be expected.

I'll be sure to take that last test tonight, you know, just in cases :)

Happy weekend everybody.

P