tww...

For weeks, I have been addicted to pregnancy forums online and have always wondered what the crap "tww" was. Well, now I know.

The two week wait.

Oh how I LOATH the two week wait. It's funny how many women will tell you to just stop thinking about it, and it will happen. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? And how am I supposed to STOP thinking about it when it is all I want to think about? Easy to say when you already got your positive test results. Easy.

I spent all weekend telling my family that I was hopefully pregnant. Starting my very own rumors. I took a test on Monday, even though, once again, I knew it was still too early. My logic? The test was really only $5, so even if it was "just for fun", at least I didn't waste too much money. And why can't I take one once a day - who am I hurting.

Turns out I am actually hurting myself. I went with Mario today to buy some more tests - and even though I promised a friend I would wait until tomorrow morning, I couldn't help myself when I got home. Negative. I am actually feeling a little sad. And my hopes are a little lower - this can't be good. So now, I am not hopefully searching the net for baby room ideas and pregnancy blogs - but worrying that I might not be pregnant.

I could swear I "feel" pregnant. I really do. I still have high hopes and look forward to the next test, which I will take tomorrow morning. I am not kidding myself by attempting to wait yet another day. If it is negative, I will rationalize the same way that I did today - it is still to early crazy lady!!

And I will leave the room a little more sad - but still hopeful for the next days test.

no house... no "confirmed" pregnancy...

...but oh am I excited about decorating a nursery!! You'd be surprised by the amount of time one can waste looking at pretty pictures of nurseries on blogs. I have managed to save some fabulous inspiration from the web.

I neeeeeed this crib.

only 1 million dollars.

It looks like I will need to get myself a gorgeous "old" house with wood floors! How does it go? First love, then marriage, then baby, then house? Yeah - that sounds about right.

Feeling just a little bit pregnant...

Questions:

1. If it is possible to "feel pregnant", then it is logical to assume that one can also feel "not-pregnant", right? If so, I most definitely don't feel "not pregnant". If you look hard enough online, and type in just the right search query, you can make any odd feeling a pregnancy symptom. The internet can make you totally crazy and help you to feel totally comfortable with it all at the same time. There is always someone out there who wondered the same thing.

2. Are my boobs sore (as in an early symptom of pregnancy) or are they just teder from my hourly jabs to "check" for possible soreness?

3. Lastly, why is it that even though I KNOW that a pregnancy test won't work until next Tuesday, I took one yesterday, secretly hoping that I would be this superwoman that was so pregnant, it showed up a week early.

Seriously, I hope I'm pregnant just for the sake of my sanity. Maybe I can stop obsessing over getting pregnant and get some actual work done.

So it has been about a week since I discovered I could get pregnant any minute now - and still be covered under my husband's long awaited medical insurance - and I have:

1. chosen a possible doctor.
2. checked out 5 pregnancy books from the local library, (including titles such as, The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy, Green Baby, and Louder than words - the Jenny McCarthy Autism book). Yes, you can already see my pregnancy personality developing - organic, afraid and hoping for a sense of humor.
3. Read 2 of these pregnancy books.
4. Decided on names. Yes, my sweet daughter's name has been picked out for YEARS, Isabella, but I am currently working on Nico, for my first son. I say "first" son, because, let's face it, I married a Bernasconi, and I say "working on", because I need to get Mario on board.
5. Taken a pregnancy test. To clarify, we haven't actually started trying yet, but somehow, all of this "pregnancy" talk convinced me that I was actually pregnant. It took really bad cramps, a negative pregnancy test and having my period for 2 full days, to actually convince me that I was, in fact, not pregnant.
6. Checked numerous ovulation calculators to see when the "best" time to conceive will be. And also, to see when I would actually give birth.
   Given up on planning a perfect time of the year to get pregnant - ASAP sounds like the best plan to me.
7. Driven Mario a little crazy - he certainly doesn't understand all of this planning - it is just not in his blood. Good thing I like to plan - I can take care of it for the both of us :)
   

Now all I have to do is GET PREGNANT! I'll keep you posted....

p

Note

I should add that this "pink" that I am leaking is coming out of my skin. Those of you who know me well will have already figured out that if I had been leaking from anywhere else, I would have never shared.

google search: "my ass is turning the toilette seat pink?"

I'm not even joking.

So the other day, Mario points out that the normally white toilette seat is pink?? (We have one of those disgusting padded toilette seats that he refuses to let me replace. You know, the ones that let out all the extra air when you settle down onto it.)

Hmmmm.

I have no idea how it got this way. I wonder at first if I had worn any pink panties, shorts, etc. But quickly remember that when the toilette is used, one doesn't typically wear "bottoms". I am at a loss for a few days and Mario points out again, that the bed sheet has a pink tint to it as well.

Only on my side.

WTF? So, who do I turn to? Google of course. I honestly typed in, "my ass is turning my toilette seat pink?" I come across a wealth of information, mostly in "pregnancy" forums about other women who have experienced the same phenomenon. Most of the women are making fun of each other, but I start to see them talking about the correlation between their pregnancy and the pink toilette seat syndrome. It turns out that the only women with this problem are pregnant!! Don't get all excited, I am so not pregnant, but what do most pregnant women do?? They take pre-natals. Turns out that the vitamins do something to my hormones which makes my body leak pink. I guess this is the first "odd" thing in a long string of events that I will experience during my soon-to-be pregnancy.

This reminds me of a time when Mario and I had first started spending the night together - I kept waking up with a black tongue! WTF? Apparently Google and I did not have such a great relationship back then, because I just worried for a few weeks that I had some terribly embarrassing disease. Soon enough, Mario comes to me complaining that his tongue has been black in the mornings.

Hmmmm.

Somehow, we come to the conclusion that the chewable pepto bismol we had been taking was the most possible culprit and decided to do a little experiment. I took some, he did not - long story short, we were right. Apparently you can't take chewable pepto at night before bed without waking up with the mysterious "black tounge". (I'm also not quite sure why we had been taking so much pepto...)

I should also add that a few women changed their seats blueish purple - and they ended up having boys - looks like I am still on the right track for that girl. All signs point to yes!